Dear Diary,

I think I am doing really well with this new posting schedule. I’ve been blogging consistently since last Thursday and that is probably a record for me. Tantrum Tuesday is supposed to be my day to *be real*, vent, bitch, complain, whatever you want to call it. But…. to be outright negative is so not me. I’m very passive aggressive. I am better keeping at keeping it all bottled up or making veiled snarky comments or just call my Mom and/or Christine and tell them everything. I’m VERY comfortable handling negativity that way. It is way easier that I tell them every mean thing that people have said or that I’ve seen them do. This way it is released from me and I avoid being confrontational. That’s probably the way it will stay too.

The timer is beeping at me so my “break time” is over and I have to get back to doing chores. I’ll finish this later.

Okay, back again. The twins room is much better now. Everything is out from under their beds, tv stand and bookcase and put to rights again. Remember, you can do anything for 30 minutes. Yep… that’s what I’m doing today — thirty minutes cleaning and then thirty minutes computer time. Some days that works and some days it doesn’t. Today is a good day. Maybe that’s because I forgot to take my med two days in a row and I’m mildly manic?  I always appreciate it when I am like this… so functional — I barely recognize myself. LOL

I’m resorting to random vents as my emotions are still too jumbled to be truly honest about the way I feel about anyone or anything at the moment.

• I wish I could feel like I feel today — every day, but add in being able to go shopping without freaking out (like this morning) and being able to socialize again.
• I think croc shoes are ugly and wish people would stop wearing them. I actually saw an idiot wearing them as he drove a motorcycle the other day.
• I wish I was better at disciplining my children.
• I AM SO DONE BEING JUDGED BY OTHERS. If you don’t have anything nice to say about me, the way I parent, the way I keep house… then leave me the hell alone.
• I wish I could find the perfect organizational system that would be intuitive and inspiring.
• I think that 2010 will be the year I finish writing a book and get an agent. My worst flaw is procrastination. I hate that aspect of myself more than anything else. If I can get myself to follow through on just one major project, maybe my life would change for the better.
• Most of the things I dislike the most have to do with myself, so I’ll end this here.

My time is almost up again. Next on the list is my oldest son’s room. I feel too good today to really complain about anything, so I’ll see you tomorrow for the Wordless Wednesday photo. What in the world am I going to find to post? You know, there used to be a site that posted a picture a day or a week and you had to guess what it was. You didn’t get to win anything other than the satisfaction of being right. Maybe I’ll do something like that… that will be fun.

Chaos